Add to this another and additional family system issue: The neglectful parents often had been neglectful because deep inside they felt themselves to be too inadequate to parent well. They secretly feel guilty about what their children had to do to survive. If their child seems to be independent and self-sufficient, they feel less guilty.
On the other hand, seeing someone do for their child what they did not makes them feel even guiltier, so there is pressure on the child to be self-sufficient and to not depend on others. If they are not independent, their parents may become depressed on act out self-destructively.
In a way, this type of family situation is the polar opposite of the intrusive helicopter parenting which is also a common occurence in todays's American culture. Despite being the seeming opposite of neglectfulness, helicopter parenting can also lead to a situation in which its victims looks like they need someone to take care of them but then resent it when anyone tries.
This follows from something I call the principle of opposite behaviors - opposite family behavior leads to the same or very similar result. It occurs because the extreme polarized behavior of the parents represents opposites poles of the exact same conflict - or two sides of the same coin if you will.
In a future post, I will show how an internal conflict in parents such as these can lead to a situation in which two brothers or two sisters develop characteristics that seem like extreme opposites, or how one generation of family members can go to one extreme with a particular behavior, the next to the other extreme, and the third back to the first extreme. That phenomenon would be next to impossible to explain if behavior were primarily determined by ones's genetic propensities.