I write frequently about a phenomenon called cultural lag that I stole from sociology and modified a little. What is it? Cultural lag, as originally defined, is when there are differences in the rate of change between different groups within a society. For example, if one group adopts a new technology more quickly than another group, this can lead to a gap in knowledge and understanding between the two groups. This gives the first group an advantage in the job market. In my Unified Therapy model, it happens specifically when the culture evolves to, and begins to demand, a more individualistic way of being and relating to others. This process was well described in historical terms by Erich Fromm in his classic book, Escape from Freedom.
Previously present
cultural mandates about such things as gender roles, having children, and
independence from family have been internalized by families, who follow a
series of rules about these areas. In turn, if everyone follows the rules, the
family functions smoothly – called family
homeostasis. This is highly adaptive - when the rules within a culture are
fairly clear. When these rules evolve, many families literally can’t keep up
with the changes, and their family rules and the resultant behavior becomes
maladaptive in the larger society. Cultural changes are now starting to come
more quickly, leaving more and more families in the dust.
Nowhere is this more
apparent that in the area of gender roles. In the not too distant past, women
were not allowed to vote, or own a credit card. (The way the Taliban treat
women in Afghanistan is almost like a frightening parody of what this used to
look like). Within my lifetime, women started to join the workforce in large
numbers, often times in jobs women in the past ever thought about performing.
The feminist movement has led to a more egalitarian society. But the old ways
still gnaw at many people.
One extremely common
pattern is that, with household chores, much of the division of labor
between wives and husbands remain stuck in old patterns. People may read about
how easy it is to “have it all,” when in fact in today’s culture this is often
next to impossible for middle and working class women. We also have feminists
on one side denigrating stay-at-home mothers, while on the other are preachers
telling women that they are screwing up their children by not being home with
them. At the same time, many employers are asking for more and more time from
employees and don’t give a damn about their child care responsibilities.
These issues have
led to a lot of guilty parents, most frequently the mothers, because even now
they are on average more responsible for children than male parents. While some of the
oft-described differences in income between men and women doing the same jobs
is indeed due to sexism, some of it is due to the fact that many women have to take
care of the kids so they don’t work as many hours.
My understanding of this issue was recently supported by a study that showed that more wives are now primary earners, but still spend less time performing most household chores, let alone child care. As described in USA today on 4/15/23 by Jessica Guynn:
“This research shows that wives earn as much as their husbands
in more marriages today than ever before. So why do men still spend more time at
work, relaxing and socializing and less time mopping floors, cooking dinner and
picking up kids from school than their spouses? Most of the time when we talk
about gender equality, we focus on the workplace where women are sharply
underrepresented at the top, face discrimination in hiring and promotions and
are paid less for the same work. But gender disparities don’t just happen from
9 to 5.”
“The gender gap in unpaid work has been narrowing, but the reality remains that married mothers do more unpaid work than single mothers,” said Aliya Hamid Rao, an assistant professor in the department of methodology at the London School of Economics. Men are still the main breadwinners in more than half of opposite-sex marriages, but the share of women who earn as much or more than their husbands has tripled over the past 50 years, according to a new study from the Pew Research Center. In about a third of marriages – 29% – husbands and wives earn roughly the same. In 16% of marriages, wives are the breadwinners. But housework and caregiving responsibilities are still widely considered women’s work.
