Random Thoughts and Random Quotes: Parenting

Today's post comes courtesy of my Facebook Page - some random ideas, as well as some snide remarks, about the perils of parenting that I've been collecting and or making up.

Caution:  If you find yourself getting defensive when you read an item rather than just thoughtfully disagreeing with the sentiment expressed, this might mean that you are feeling guilty about the job you are doing or have done as a parent. If so, keep an open mind.  You may very well have a good reason for disagreeing, but on the other hand, you just might learn something.

I would particularly like to acknowledge and thank advice columnist Carolyn Hax, blogger pediatrician Claudia Gold, and parenting columnist John Rosemond for their amazing insights and way with words.

John Rosemond

Here's a useful retort for parents to use after being criticized by other parents for not making things easier for their adult kids all the time: “I know, right? Why couldn’t he stay safe in my basement playing video games!”

"...There are no parents more difficult to deal with, no parents who defend their children with greater ferocity, no parents more blind to reality, no parents more irrational, than the parents of bullies. They are world-class enablers and terrorists all rolled up into one. The apples don't fall far from the trees." ~ John Rosemond

The reason ADHD is more common in males has been discovered!! According to an article by Dr. Mary Seeman in the September issue of Psychiatric Times, evolutionary biology shows that boys naturally have more impulsivity, aggression, and high energy than girls. She goes on to state, "These sex traits, which served to establish social dominance among males early in the evolution of our species and aided the cause of sexual selection, are now a handicap and require therapeutic intervention." Wow, so now we know that the reason that ADHD is more common in males is "boys will be boys."

"Recently I saw several children who had been diagnosed with ADHD but for whom medication "didn't work". One mother told me about her own struggles with untreated depression. Another child spent weekends with an actively drinking alcoholic father. A third child quietly spoke with her mother of being frightened when she pulled her hair and hit her." ~ Claudia Gold M.D.

Carolyn Hax

What many child psychiatrists don't seem to know any more: "...kids are notorious for having different sets of behaviors for different environments. Just ask the dismayed parents who have watched their otherwise stubborn kids magically fall in line with the rest of the class when they enter a school or day-care environment." ~ Carolyn Hax

On parenting teenagers: "Invariably, micromanaging results in four problems: deceit, disloyalty, conflict, and communication problems." ~ John Rosemond

"Parents make sure homework is returned without error, drill their kids on upcoming tests to the saturation point, and then complain if teachers do not give the grades they think their kids deserve. By that point, it's hard to tell whose grades they are." ~John Rosemond

"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others." ~ Dr. Haim Ginott

When was the last time you heard a mom tell a kid to get out of her hair for an entire afternoon by saying, "It's a nice day; go play outside!"?  My generation used to hear that all the time, and we were the better for it (paraphrasing John Rosemond).

"Today's mom watches her every child-rearing step lest she commit some egregious and apocalyptic parenting faux pas that will certainly doom her child to a life spent sleeping under overpasses, or worse, not going to Harvard." ~ John Rosemond

"'Good' parenting, apparently, is trying techniques on your kid that were never used on you, even though you still turned out just fine. 'I think TV is bad, I won't let my kids watch it.' Outstanding. But how do you explain how you watched 5 hours of TV a day for thirteen years straight and still turned out ok?" ~ The Last Psychiatrist

"I'm not ADHD; I'm just naughty" ~ formerly medicated foster child on the TV newsmagazine 20/20. Out of the mouths of babes...

On "because I said so" as a valid reason to give to a child: "If a child does not like the decision a parent makes, the child will not like the parent's reason. No child has ever said, "Dad, I gotta hand it to you...when you explain yourself like that, I can't help but agree!" ~ John Rosemond

A study that appeared in the journal Pediatrics revealed that 8% of pediatricians felt they had adequate training in prescribing antidepressants, 16% felt comfortable prescribing them, but 72% actually did." ~Claudia Gold

Boston Globe Headline: "ADHD rates low among Latinos - Findings baffle health researchers." Could it be that Latino parents are more likely to still demand that their children respect them?

Parents of out of control child: "We've tried everything!" That's the problem. They did not stick with anything long enough for it to work but ran willy nilly from one disciplinary measure to another. (paraphrasing John Rosemond)

"HGTV hosts a show on decorating for Halloween that shows new ways to turn the simple joys of childhood into a needlessely expensive way to keep up with the Joneses. Suburban one-upmanship. Now that's really scary!" - Kevin McDonough

With stepparents these days, the emphasis is no longer on parent, but on step - someone to be walked on. The stepparent is effectively disempowered by the "real" parent. The "real" parent enables the child's disrespect of rules as well as of the stepparent. (Paraphrasing John Rosemond).