I recently read a book by a woman who
independently discovered a technique used extensively in a form of psychotherapy
called schema therapy. Schema therapy was devised by my colleague Jeff
Young.
Beth Louise, the author, writes that she
had spent years “…trying to fool myself.
Hiding from my past, from myself, and from everyone else…Trying hard to
fake it. Trying hard to survive. And to forget. Always trying, but never quite getting there.”
When later on she had children of her
own, she felt the past welling up inside her, and the memories returning. At some point she took out a pen and wrote a
letter to the child of her past - from the perspective of her adult self. She envisioned herself as an observer of
that child rather than as that
child. She was not reliving the past, but observing it.
When the process became too painful,
she would stop it temporarily, but then return to the disturbing images. She continued on this
path and found it extremely healing. Since
she was already a writer, she soon found that she had a book that others might be interested in. The resulting manuscript is now available as an
e-book, In Shadow and Strength. Her
hope is to “inspire others to forge their own paths towards healing.”
Her writings capture in a remarkable
way the thoughts and emotions that take hold of a child who is in the middle of a spiral of abuse and
neglect.
Reading it, victims of abuse
can learn a powerful new technique to help themselves come to terms with their
past, while non-victims can better appreciate the terror, guilt, helplessness
and uncertainty experienced by abused children everywhere.
Little did she know that the process she
had discovered was already a very powerful therapy technique - one that is central to schema therapy. In therapy, however, the therapist takes more of a leadership role by using
“guided imagery.” He or she sometimes accompanies the patient on their “trip,”
and may even have the patient imagine the therapist in the picture commenting
on the action or talking to the participants.
In various sections of her book, Ms. Louise reveals how a child can come to believe that her environment is somehow a
normal one, despite observing other children and parents interacting in a
healthier family.
She talks about the feeling
that perhaps there is something wrong with you, the victim, and how this belief can lead
to a sense a guilt about somehow being responsible for what is happening to
you. How this guilt can also serve to
protect the image of the abusive and neglectful parent.
She reveals how a former
abuse victim may go through life hiding her guilt, shame, and trauma, so that
others might think there is nothing at all wrong. How doing so makes her feel herself to be a fraud
or an impostor. How she believes herself to
be counterfeit.
She brilliantly describes the child’s belief that, even when the parents are acting in a loving way, the
good times are really just manufactured for the benefit of outside observers, and how they therefore felt phony.
She tears the shroud off the absolute terror and helplessness that comes from living in a chaotic environment with a highly unpredictable, depressed and angry mother.
A beautifully written book without
any hint of sensationalism or exhibitionism, I highly recommend In Shadow and Strength.
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