The Slow Evolution of Gender Roles

I write frequently about a phenomenon called cultural lag that I stole from sociology  and modified a little. What is it? Cultural lag, as originally defined, is when there are differences in the rate of change between different groups within a society. For example, if one group adopts a new technology more quickly than another group, this can lead to a gap in knowledge and understanding between the two groups. This gives the first group an advantage in the job market. In my Unified Therapy model, it happens specifically when the culture evolves to, and begins to demand, a more individualistic way of being and relating to others. This process was well described in historical terms by Erich Fromm in his classic book, Escape from Freedom.

 

Previously present cultural mandates about such things as gender roles, having children, and independence from family have been internalized by families, who follow a series of rules about these areas. In turn, if everyone follows the rules, the family functions smoothly – called family homeostasis. This is highly adaptive - when the rules within a culture are fairly clear. When these rules evolve, many families literally can’t keep up with the changes, and their family rules and the resultant behavior becomes maladaptive in the larger society. Cultural changes are now starting to come more quickly, leaving more and more families in the dust.

 

Nowhere is this more apparent that in the area of gender roles. In the not too distant past, women were not allowed to vote, or own a credit card. (The way the Taliban treat women in Afghanistan is almost like a frightening parody of what this used to look like). Within my lifetime, women started to join the workforce in large numbers, often times in jobs women in the past ever thought about performing. The feminist movement has led to a more egalitarian society. But the old ways still gnaw at many people. 

 

One extremely common pattern is that, with household chores, much of the division of labor between wives and husbands remain stuck in old patterns. People may read about how easy it is to “have it all,” when in fact in today’s culture this is often next to impossible for middle and working class women. We also have feminists on one side denigrating stay-at-home mothers, while on the other are preachers telling women that they are screwing up their children by not being home with them. At the same time, many employers are asking for more and more time from employees and don’t give a damn about their child care responsibilities. I posted a video describing one aspect of this in detail.

 

These issues have led to a lot of guilty parents, most frequently the mothers, because even now they are on average more responsible for children than male parents. While some of the oft-described differences in income between men and women doing the same jobs is indeed due to sexism, some of it is due to the fact that many women have to take care of the kids so they don’t work as many hours.

 

My understanding of this issue was recently supported by a study that showed that  more wives are now primary earners, but still spend less time performing most household chores, let alone child care. As described in USA today on 4/15/23 by Jessica Guynn:

 

“This research shows that wives earn as much as their husbands in more marriages today than ever before. So why do men still spend more time at work, relaxing and socializing and less time mopping floors, cooking dinner and picking up kids from school than their spouses? Most of the time when we talk about gender equality, we focus on the workplace where women are sharply underrepresented at the top, face discrimination in hiring and promotions and are paid less for the same work. But gender disparities don’t just happen from 9 to 5.”

 

“The gender gap in unpaid work has been narrowing, but the reality remains that married mothers do more unpaid work than single mothers,” said Aliya Hamid Rao, an assistant professor in the department of methodology at the London School of Economics. Men are still the main breadwinners in more than half of opposite-sex marriages, but the share of women who earn as much or more than their husbands has tripled over the past 50 years, according to a new study from the Pew Research Center. In about a third of marriages – 29% – husbands and wives earn roughly the same. In 16% of marriages, wives are the breadwinners. But housework and caregiving responsibilities are still widely considered women’s work.