In
Jonah’s Berger’s excellent new book, The Catalyst: How to Change Anyone’s Mind, he
discusses effective ways to get people to look at things in new ways. Even die
hard ideologues can sometimes be reached using many of his methods. He also
talks about why persuasive arguments and presenting new information in an
effort by one person to get another person to reconsider entrenched positions
usually does not work.
In the chapter called “corroborating evidence,” he uses a successful “intervention” with a drug abuser to illustrate how, in influencing others, having multiple people give information is often much more powerful than just one person’s speaking , especially when the multiple sources are all operating at or near the same time.
In the chapter called “corroborating evidence,” he uses a successful “intervention” with a drug abuser to illustrate how, in influencing others, having multiple people give information is often much more powerful than just one person’s speaking , especially when the multiple sources are all operating at or near the same time.
In the Intervention technique in substance abuse treatment, the actual intervention is having an outside therapist come in and coach the family members to write out a speech about how much they care about the user and how his or her behavior is hurting everyone. They are instructed to avoid telling him what to do. Nonetheless, the therapist has a rehab facility lined up in hopes that the object of the intervention will agree to do something about his “problem.”
They
each say how sad they are because of the problem and how much they miss him and
want the drug abuser “back.” They also give the addict the message, “If you
want to be an addict, we can’t stop you. But if you want to get high, you
aren’t going to do it here.”
With families, Berger points out, several members have often - over time and individually – “asked, begged, yelled, screamed, and threatened. All to no avail.” But then he goes on to say things that consist of the usual wisdom about these sorts of things, such as “They (addicts) don’t believe they have a problem.” They are “in denial.” They may not remember wrapping a car around a lamp post” because they “blacked out.” If an addict doesn’t think he has a reason to quit, “is one person really going to change their mind?”
That
sounds reasonable, but is it really? Doesn’t the addict find out what happened
to the car after he comes to? Isn’t losing a good job and resorting to crime to
finance an addiction considered by the drug abuser to be problems? As I often
say, he would have to have the IQ of a kumquat – or maybe a rutabaga, I’m not
really sure – to not “know” he had a problem. So what’s really going on here?
Berger
attributes the relatively high success rates of organized family
“interventions” to the number of people giving a similar message. He's partly
correct. But he also seems subliminally aware that there is something else
going on here. He states, “In order to get addicts to change, their entire
ecosystem has to be altered. Without realizing it, friends and family members
may be unintentionally enabling the problems. So for change to stick, the whole
system has to change…”
Was the
particular family the author described enabling the abuser, “Phil”? Why as a
matter of fact, quite so. In the author’s description, the family didn’t seem
to think of him as an addict for extended periods, especially at first, because
he had a job and didn’t steal to support his habit. He did start to steal a bit
later. They sent him to rehab 19 different times even
though each of them was unsuccessful. They repeatedly let him move back home.
They resorted to having him sign a contract promising to turn over a new leaf,
but all that did was to “train him to be a better liar.”
Hearing
this, it might seem fairly clear why Phil may have thought his family was
actually invested in him continuing to be an addict, because they made it so
damn easy! Unlike most of us, they know that family members are not that stupid
even if they seem to be “in denial.” Of course, I have to put the usual caution
here: since I haven’t personally evaluated this family I can’t say what follows
with certainty, although IMO what I am about to describe is extremely likely.
Another hint that the above formulation may be on the mark is a statement by the book author that "family was everything to Phil." The author thinks that Phil realizing he was tearing the others to shreds was the motive for quitting. But again, how could Phil possibly think that this hadn't been the case all along? Because he thought the family needed him to be an addict!
In
dysfunctional families with shared conflicts over certain behavior, say for
example puritanical attitudes towards work and intoxication, several members
are usually involved in either enabling or refusing to notice the problems of
the addict. The addict is actually taking the cue to deny that he has a problem
from the family. When one member occasionally seems to object about addict-like
behavior, another family member may give the addict the opposite message. In
such a situation, this can become a game without end even more
easily than when just two people are stuck in this game. So no wonder the
addict ignores the asking, begging, yelling, screaming, and threatening from
any one family member.
However,
when the whole family comes together to give the same message – that they all will no
longer deny that the addiction has become a problem — and all clearly
state that all of their enabling behavior in toto is going to cease, their
wanting him to stop becomes far more believable. So it isn’t just multiple
sources of info as Berger assumes, but the fact that they are all indirectly
acknowledging their own contributions to the addict’s
continuing addiction.
Of
course, the addict may still be skeptical. If Phil leaves yet another rehab
program without success, and his parents still let him return home, nothing
will stick. In this case, that fortunately did not happen.
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