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| "Bully" - the Movie |
With all of the attention that has been cast on
cyber-bullying in recent years as social media continues to explode, as well as
the release of the new movie Bully,
the issue of bullying on the whole has once again made its way to the forefront
of everyone’s minds. It’s certainly not a new topic, but one that surfaces in
waves over time, ebbing and flowing in and out of the spotlight, and a topic
that begs the question of what really factors in to turning a kid from being a
normal child to a bully? There are several potential answers to this question,
but dysfunction within the family is a great precursor, and these five examples
show how:
1.
Violence at home equates
to violence at school
When
children are exposed to violence at a young age, whether the violence is
directed toward them or towards another family member, they grow up with the
preconceived notion that you are able to obtain what you want through violence.
This can lead them to believe that the behavior is acceptable, and results in
them performing the same actions on others that they’ve learned at home.
2.
Bullying is an outlet
for emotional abuse
In
addition to physical abuse in the home, emotional abuse is another stepping
stone that guides children to adopting a bullying demeanor. When a parent is
constantly condescending to their children and is continually battering them
and making them feel worthless, kids learn to project this emotional distress
on others. Through bullying their peers they are able to release pent up anger
that they’re harboring from a less than functional home life, thus temporarily
releasing them from the strains of emotional abuse.
3.
Bullying as a way to
gain control over some aspect of their life
Being raised in a home where there is an apparent lack of self-control by family members can cause children to want to exercise control over something outside of their home life. Growing up my brother had a friend that was constantly trying to assert his dominance over the other boys his age. He would regularly throw toys at them and tell them how stupid they were. Eventually we found out that his father had zero self-control at home, and while he was obedient at home he projected these pent-up feelings on his friends that were more submissive. This desire to gain control can manifest itself in the form of bullying peers that are perceived as weaker and thus easily dominated.
Being raised in a home where there is an apparent lack of self-control by family members can cause children to want to exercise control over something outside of their home life. Growing up my brother had a friend that was constantly trying to assert his dominance over the other boys his age. He would regularly throw toys at them and tell them how stupid they were. Eventually we found out that his father had zero self-control at home, and while he was obedient at home he projected these pent-up feelings on his friends that were more submissive. This desire to gain control can manifest itself in the form of bullying peers that are perceived as weaker and thus easily dominated.
4.
Bullying as a way to
assert self esteem
Children
who are raised in hostile and volatile home environments usually suffer from
feelings of low self-worth and self-esteem, and can turn to bullying to feel as
though they are powerful. These feelings of power can give a false sense of
self confidence, and even arrogance, even though in reality bullying is usually
a product of having no actual self-assurance. Most of the kids in schools that
are known as bullies are deeply unhappy but refuse to admit that fact out loud
and are too scared to turn to anyone for help. Instead they act overly
confident to compensate for their negative feelings and self-image.
5.
Subliminal encouragement
from parents
Parents
can end up being subliminal encouragers to bullying as well, even though they
may outwardly condemn the behavior. Any indication that the parent actually
approves of the bullying, be it through a slip of a smile or a glimmer of
approval on their face, can fuel a child to continue with the behavior because
they feel they are making their parents proud in some way. The same boy
mentioned earlier was never truly punished by his father for being a bully, and
so he had no reason to stop with his behaviors. Instead his father silently
asserted the behavior thus justifying the boy’s actions. [DA: see my post of February 11, 2011 about the role of Avenger].
There is no easy way to define why children turn
to bullying. The causes behind it are complex and varied, and there are likely
several underlying stressors that have led kids to turn to his behavior. All
we, as the general public, can do is bring as much attention to this issue as
possible and help to discourage kids from continuing to behave negatively
towards their peers.
Author Bio
This guest post is by Christine Kane, a graduate
of Communication and Journalism. She enjoys writing about a wide-variety of
subjects including internet providers
in my area for different blogs. She can be reached via email at:
Christi.Kane00 @ gmail.com
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