tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post483442213955937043..comments2024-03-28T02:01:21.139-05:00Comments on Family Dysfunction and Mental Health Blog: Borderline Personality Family Dynamics: The Parents, Part IIDavid M. Allen M.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06280912088483192599noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-43575196374484005492017-08-09T11:43:48.991-05:002017-08-09T11:43:48.991-05:00Hi Mr. Salzano,
Thanks for your comments.
Sorry ...Hi Mr. Salzano,<br /><br />Thanks for your comments.<br /><br />Sorry if what I wrote was not clear, but I am faced with a paradox in writing a blog: there are a lot of factors to be considered and the blog posts just focus on part of the issue. People really cannot fully appreciate any element without understanding the whole picture, but the whole picture is hard to understand without understanding ALL of the individual elements. <br /><br />You are absolutely right - ALL of the issues described that lead to the parents' conflicts over having children derive from the parents' relationship with their own parents and family of origin. Often the conflicts develop over several generations, but 3 at the minimum. <br /><br />They are passed on from one generation through the next through mixed messages about which behaviors are expected by the family and which are forbidden. In a sense, all the family members share what the analysts call intrapsychic conflicts. <br /><br />The conflicts,in turn, are present because of something called cultural lag: the rules that the family follows and by which it operates do not keep up with major changes the ambient culture demands. For instance, when most people lived on a farm, the more children you had, the wealthier you tended to become, because the kids were your farm hands. Nowadays, the more kids you have, the poorer you tend to be.<br /><br />Having children thinking it will save the marriage is often a "family myth" that the parents act as if they must believe in order to stabilized their own parents.<br /><br />Religiosity: if you follow the teachings of certain churches that say you should have as many kids as possible, and never have sex just for fun, and you really would rather do something else but can't because, if you do, you are attacked by the rest of your family - you are likely to resent taking care of all the kids you feel forced to have.<br /><br />Emotional dysregulation in the kids results from the chronic invalidation and traumatic effects of children constantly being put in damned if you do, damned if you don't situations. This causes the brain's fight or flight mechanism to kick into chronic overdrive.David M. Allen M.D.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06280912088483192599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-19763588687832873622017-08-09T11:16:14.056-05:002017-08-09T11:16:14.056-05:00As a person with borderline tendencies, I'm ha...As a person with borderline tendencies, I'm having a difficult time making sense of this post as reflective of my own experience.<br /><br />My father, because of his own history, ended up being self centered and wasn't interested in being a father. My mother, had kids to anchor my father but has the emotional maturity of a 9 year old.<br /><br />Because I was in an environment that was hostile and invalidating, I was in a constant state of fear as a child.<br /><br />You start by saying the parents of such children are ambivalent about being parents; which could be the result of any number of events or that they had a kid to save their marriage (which makes the kid feel responsible).<br /><br />It seems to me the common denominator among people with bdp is that their parents were abusive in one form or another and your explanations as to why they were abusive reads like a list of plausible scenarios or historical narratives that doesn't even include their relationship with their own parents as an influence.<br /><br />If I look at issue 7, I ask myself. Why on earth do you think that parents planned to have the kids to save their relationship rather than the kids being the result of poor planning on behalf of one or both of the parents ?<br /><br />Issue number 6, what has taking on responsibility have to do with developing emotional dysregulation ?<br /><br />Issue 5, what could be the connection between level of religiosity and how you bond with your children or interact with them ?...Traditional roles of society seem to be relevant but in doesn't, in my view, determine how in fact parents will raise their kids.<br /><br />Either I am failing to appreciate this issue, or this is too simple.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04726957383540947818noreply@blogger.com