tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post3932299821642091055..comments2024-03-28T09:59:51.779-05:00Comments on Family Dysfunction and Mental Health Blog: How to Disarm a Borderline: Part IV: The Kernel of TruthDavid M. Allen M.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06280912088483192599noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-78983198950939089522018-12-05T08:17:45.247-06:002018-12-05T08:17:45.247-06:00At first let me say thank you for your articles! M...At first let me say thank you for your articles! My wife of 7 years suffers from BPD and while it has always been an everyday struggle for the both of us, it seems to have gotten worse recently. Since I'm always inclined to help people I only recently realized how many mistakes I made myself by trying to put up with too much and handling things for my wife that she found difficult to deal with. She has also very big problems to find a therapist since nobody seems to want to treat a person with BPD. I'm trying to get support from a therapist as well but there are not a lot around who have with experience with BPD. We live in Germany and there is no program or organization available for BPD patients or their family. What I find most difficult is dealing with the tantrums. More often as not I start discussing at some point and of course it always get's worse then. It's hard to stay understanding and affectionate when you're being attacked verbally in a massive way. If I can't handle it I try to retreat and go to another room but while this helps me to cool down it exacerbates the situation for my wife. A lot of times I just kind of shut down now and can't bring myself to try and find a way back towards each other. During that situations I fell less bad being alone but my wife can't understand it at all and it hurts her immensely that there's times I don't want to be around her or can't stand it even. I hope we'll be able to get help at some point!Martin B.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-19749165248645859812017-09-16T19:01:05.960-05:002017-09-16T19:01:05.960-05:00Sorry, I can't give any psychiatric advice her...Sorry, I can't give any psychiatric advice here regarding any specific case that would be useful. Have you thought of consulting with a therapist in your area? The therapy treatments I recommend that come the closest are listed at the end of my post http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/matter-personality/201205/finding-good-psychotherapist. They can be hard to find. You can ask about a therapist’s theoretical orientation before making an appointment.David M. Allen M.D.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06280912088483192599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-12651621425603020862017-09-15T23:54:38.546-05:002017-09-15T23:54:38.546-05:00Dr Allen MD, I am in a romantic relationship &...Dr Allen MD, I am in a romantic relationship & I am putting up with stonewalling etch from my BPD 46yo bf. I am of a rational mind and absolutely deserve better but chemistry is difficult & there are qualities about him that I admire. It is very difficult. I welcome your expert advice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-53103339020700750582017-03-30T12:24:13.250-05:002017-03-30T12:24:13.250-05:00Not sure if you still use this blog but wanted to ...Not sure if you still use this blog but wanted to comment anyway. I've had quite a few Borderline clients during my short career (3 years so far) but today was, surprisingly, the first time I had the "You're really nice and everything but I feel like you only come here [home therapy] because you're getting paid. I feel like you don't really care about me." I tried to put it back on the client and explore the transference, and then I did provide some reasons and self-disclosure to help her see that I do care, and that the therapeutic relationship is important to me. I also thanked her for letting me know she was feeling this way instead of trying to hide it.<br /><br />Not sure what the impact of my intervention will be but I'm sure glad I read this post. I will incorporate this advice into future sessions when I am confronted with further attempts to push me away.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05041587594496616065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-32143109441658396602014-02-25T09:49:22.293-06:002014-02-25T09:49:22.293-06:00Hi anonymous,
Unfortunately, I can't really g...Hi anonymous,<br /><br />Unfortunately, I can't really give any advice about specific cases in this forum. I'd have to know tons more about you and your situation to even begin to offer you any halfway decent suggestions.<br /><br />If this is a romantic relationship and not a close relative, in general someone should be asking themselves why they put up with such treatment and/or think they don't deserve any better. <br /><br />David M. Allen M.D.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06280912088483192599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-9059842164998443622014-02-24T23:16:59.269-06:002014-02-24T23:16:59.269-06:00Most of the time I can deal with accusations. What...Most of the time I can deal with accusations. What I can't deal with is silence. For days, weeks, months... As we don't live together, I can only e-mail him... And get no answer. He only does this to me, always answering our friends very quickly, accepting their invitations... Which makes me feel better : at least, he's not alone. How do you deal with this type of distancing ?<br />ThanksAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-27509533839642394422010-12-09T01:39:11.525-06:002010-12-09T01:39:11.525-06:00Relating to a person with a diagnosis of schizophr...Relating to a person with a diagnosis of schizophrenia is dead simple in comparison.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06700295858497275586noreply@blogger.com