tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post115056922538208082..comments2024-03-28T09:59:51.779-05:00Comments on Family Dysfunction and Mental Health Blog: How Can You Be Empathic with a Child Abuser?David M. Allen M.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06280912088483192599noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-27391812601856963942017-12-19T19:57:00.887-06:002017-12-19T19:57:00.887-06:00There is really something to this, it seems so obv...There is really something to this, it seems so obvious but also weirdly forbidden to acknowledge. My maternal grandmother was sexually abused by her mother's boyfriends, and her mother also had some major red flags of being abused young (such as running away from home as a teenager). My mother was a knowing and willing passive participant in her husband / my father sexually abusing me when I was growing up.<br /><br />So, what seems like a possible missing piece of the puzzle is - was my mother also abused? Apparently it is a bit of a 'thing' in our family. But my mother insists that she was never abused besides emotionally (she sees her mother as all-bad and her father as all-good). I wonder, as she is her father's 'golden child' / favorite, and it seems like she constantly pushes this notion. Just doesn't all add up to me, as it is presented anyway.<br /><br />I have tried meta-communicating with her about it (not perfectly I am sure but I try my best) and it always goes the same with her A. insisting that her father is basically perfect and never did anything bad ever, and B. getting relentlessly focused on how she never did anything bad either, that it was all my father's doing and basically that I should hate my father. <br /><br />I'm not psychic and I guess might also be projecting or something but I can't shake the sort of gut feeling that my mother was abused by her father.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-46377391113226918942011-02-17T04:34:02.825-06:002011-02-17T04:34:02.825-06:00"I must garner all my powers of persuasion to..."I must garner all my powers of persuasion to convince patients that attempting to reconcile with difficult parents or difficult adult children is a good idea. ... I tell them that they would want a relationship if the relationship were not so frequently unbearable. When reconciliation and new interpersonal understanding take place between family members, the benefits are immeasurable."<br /><br />Oh I can measure it, I'm pretty expert... <br /><br />When I was cured of severe mental illness induced by parental neglect and abuse which I experienced as some kind of ghost in a frightening shadow-land for a couple of decades, when I transformed from that and became "me", I found I needed a new identity to function in society. I cut all my family off in order to do that. I never had any sense of loss, strangely enough I never felt the Kumbayah call. Then had a successful corporate career as an "orphan". That was well measured, a good move,<br />...<br />a sound mind in a wealthy body.<br />I did however practice meta-communication naturally first when I became involved in complex relationships in the corporate world. I think it's natural over time to any quiet mind.<br /><br />....<br /><br />When my second career wound down, I phoned my father about once a year. I was very cordial, he was cordial. I just wanted to know when the SOB would die so I could close the book on him. Living longer than him was measurably satisfying.<br /> <br /><br />Now he wasn't all bad, I do remember when he was affectionate once or twice (I don't do splitting, God Forbid!) I only lost the hearing in one ear, and the other crippling wasn't that bad. Though I'm sure he wasn't abusive 24/7 so I guess he had a good life though that seems to have been counter-balanced by my going into schizophrenic emotional oblivion and having my entire life wiped out for 20 years. I remember being a teenager or is it that I remember something or someone else being a teenager?.. too bad I wasn't there to enjoy it.<br /><br /><br />Yeah, I celebrated with some sadness, don't worry I'm a compassionate guy. He was worth a half a bottle of Bacardi.<br />--------------------------------><br /><br />My stepmother was died of cancer, poor dear. <br />Now I remember screaming in bed from meningitis, screaming "call a doctor" and she told me "Don't be such a baby" and left me all night untreated in fever and semi-coma, I passed out on the floor crawling to reach the light switch on the wall ..and there was more...much more...<br /><br />I wonder if she screamed from the pain when her time came? Karma's a bitch.<br /><br />But she was really only worth one satisfied but tastefully sad toasting of a shot of Bacardi.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />OK OK the sadness is selfish because it's a part of my life in memory that goes too. It's a Pyrrhic victory, life just isn't fair no matter what. I had dreams of doing victory jigs and turns out it wasn't even worth that.<br /><br /> <br />Four different types of denial you say? And genograms as a bonus! Wow! Thats' quite fascinating. I never knew about that, I guess I missed out, their secret cryptology now lies in oblivion with the Pharaohs. But it does leave a flavour of mysterious wonder about it by leaving something unfinished. <br />"Always look on the bright side of death" as the song goes. <br /><br /> <br />-------------------><br /><br />Now I have a really big concern about all this:<br /><br /><br />I'm wondering if I should stop mixing my Bacardi with coke or should I learn to be a purist in experiencing the taste and drink it straight?<br /><br />What do you think?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-46893291732472267642010-07-27T00:43:16.969-05:002010-07-27T00:43:16.969-05:00I have read a few of the Article on your website n...I have read a few of the Article on your website now, and I really like your style of blogging.website promotion companyhttp://www.induswebi.com/website-promotions.phpnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3125132926699584358.post-26908157413680457592010-07-24T00:25:59.630-05:002010-07-24T00:25:59.630-05:00I read your post, i really appreciate your experie...I read your post, i really appreciate your experience and i will get good knowledge from their as well.website promotion companyhttp://www.induswebi.com/web-promotions.phpnoreply@blogger.com